It's been a while since I've blogged.
I won't apologize for my lack of virtual presence. In the time that I've been away, I've birthed another beautiful blessing and somehow managed to sustain two other little lives. I've washed numerous loads of laundry, cooked a slew of meals, kissed hundreds of boo-boos, taken a vacation, consoled countless meltdowns, broken up way too many fights, and snuggled three precious children just as much as I possibly can before they become too big to need me anymore.
I'm back at work now. Bittersweet is an understatement as I painstakingly try to shake that 'grass is greener' mentality.
Along with returning to work, new anxieties have settled in. Which chore is going to take the back burner today? How much caffeine can I safely consume before it becomes a problem? What day is it?
In all honesty though, it's hard y'all.
Juggling all the demands of being a mother and an employee. It's nearly impossible to do it all. Wait. No it IS impossible. There is absolutely no way in God's green and blue earth that one woman can successfully do everything that is expected of her. Myself included.
Going back to work has certainly shaken up the routine at home. Work isn't easy either. In order to maintain my milk supply, I'm pumping every three hours. Despite a shorter workday than most, I try to squeeze in at least 2, hopefully three pumping sessions while I'm there, but it doesn't always work out. I can't always just drop what I'm doing to undress, strap up and sit somewhere for 30 minutes while I beg and plead my body to produce enough milk to sustain my seemingly starving son.
Influenster recently sent out a VoxBox for nursing mothers that included samples of UpSpring Milkflow drink mixes. A combination of fenugreek and blessed thistle, these tasty packets come in three flavors: berry, orange, and my personal favorite, chocolate.
Now, I've tried fenugreek supplements in the past with little result,but I was pleasantly surprised to see that my supply obviously increased after just two servings. Research has shown that fluid intake plays a huge role in milk production, so not only are these drink mixes providing supplements that promote healthy milk supply, but they encourage me to drink more too. Win. Win.
It's a shame that so many other confounding factors play a role in milk production. Stress. Sleep. Diet. It's all equally important, and even though I can't always control the first two, I can certainly do myself a favor with the latter.
I truly enjoy participating in the Influenster program, but I must confess that this has been my absolute favorite VoxBox of all. I'd never even heard of UpSpring before this campaign, and it has truly been a useful product at exactly the right time. I will definitely be buying this product in the near future.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Monday, March 7, 2016
Hormel Taco Meats In Review
And yet again, Influenster continues to amaze me with all of their incredible freebies and samples that are sent straight to my doorstep. The Cheers Vox Box is no exception, and this exciting collection of goodies was even better than I expected.
I redeemed my free package of Hormel seasoned shredded pork at a local Harris Teeter after having trouble locating it at other retailers. My initial impression was there wouldn't be enough meat to feed our ravenous family of four, but when I emptied the contents into a bowl for a quick heat in the microwave, I was shocked that it contained almost the same amount of meat that I would typically prepare for tacos at home.
I chose the shredded pork because it was a variety I wouldn't normally cook at home.
It did not disappoint.
The texture was tender and easy to scoop into our shells or tortillas. The flavor was very mild, perfect for our two kiddos who hate spicy things, but for me personally, I could stand a little more punch. Nothing a dash of salsa can't fix!
Best of all, there isn't a slew of synthetic preservatives and additives in this product. I was pleasantly surprised!
I highly recommend covering and carefully heating as the meat will dry out quickly if left in the microwave too long.
Because it only takes a minute or so to heat up, this meat is perfect for preparing family meals or even prepping individual items like burritos for the week. It significantly reduced the time I spent in the kitchen that night.
Overall, I'm a huge fan of Hormel's shredded pork, and I look forward to trying the other varieties.
I redeemed my free package of Hormel seasoned shredded pork at a local Harris Teeter after having trouble locating it at other retailers. My initial impression was there wouldn't be enough meat to feed our ravenous family of four, but when I emptied the contents into a bowl for a quick heat in the microwave, I was shocked that it contained almost the same amount of meat that I would typically prepare for tacos at home.
I chose the shredded pork because it was a variety I wouldn't normally cook at home.
It did not disappoint.
The texture was tender and easy to scoop into our shells or tortillas. The flavor was very mild, perfect for our two kiddos who hate spicy things, but for me personally, I could stand a little more punch. Nothing a dash of salsa can't fix!
Best of all, there isn't a slew of synthetic preservatives and additives in this product. I was pleasantly surprised!
I highly recommend covering and carefully heating as the meat will dry out quickly if left in the microwave too long.
Because it only takes a minute or so to heat up, this meat is perfect for preparing family meals or even prepping individual items like burritos for the week. It significantly reduced the time I spent in the kitchen that night.
Overall, I'm a huge fan of Hormel's shredded pork, and I look forward to trying the other varieties.
A huge shout out to Influenster for sharing this free product with me!
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Pumpkin VoxBox & The Unbeatable Taco Fries
I've blogged about Influenster before, and I'll do it again. This incredible online company continues to send our family samples and free products to test, and the Pumpkin VoxBox was certainly a welcome surprise. It was full of really great products like Downy fabric softener, scented markers, delicious snack squares, and coupons to redeem for free products at my local grocery store.
Alexia was one of the companies that included a coupon for a free package of fries. We've had Alexia sweet potato fries before, so I wanted to try something new. The rosemary variety caught my eye, so those came home with us.
Along with the fry coupon, Yucatan Guacamole was another freebie that we picked up. Found in the refrigerated section, I was pleasantly surprised how fresh and flavorful this store bought guac tasted. I'm pretty particular about my guacamole, and I was rather surprised to find that this really measured up to my homemade recipe.
What better way to enjoy these two products than by creating a unique recipe that incorporates both?
So, I came up with these amazing taco fries. A spicy take on your typical chili/cheese fries, I topped the Alexia rosemary fries with seasoned taco meat, shredded cheese, fresh diced veggies, and a whopping scoop of Yucatan Guacamole.
Needless to say, these were delicious, and I think they would especially make a great meal for a sporting event or tailgate party. They were incredibly easy to throw together, and oh so satisfying.
The great thing about these fries is you can completely customize your dish to suite your preference. I used 1 pound of ground beef, 1/2 c. cheese, 1 small onion, about 1 c. cherry tomatoes, and a half of a cucumber. One whole bag of fries and that pound of meat was more than enough to feed our family of four. In fact, you could easily create 8 very filling portions!
Note: I received these products free from Influenster for testing purposes. These opinions are completely my own. I am not monetarily compensated for this post. #farmtoflavor #contest
Alexia was one of the companies that included a coupon for a free package of fries. We've had Alexia sweet potato fries before, so I wanted to try something new. The rosemary variety caught my eye, so those came home with us.
Along with the fry coupon, Yucatan Guacamole was another freebie that we picked up. Found in the refrigerated section, I was pleasantly surprised how fresh and flavorful this store bought guac tasted. I'm pretty particular about my guacamole, and I was rather surprised to find that this really measured up to my homemade recipe.
What better way to enjoy these two products than by creating a unique recipe that incorporates both?
So, I came up with these amazing taco fries. A spicy take on your typical chili/cheese fries, I topped the Alexia rosemary fries with seasoned taco meat, shredded cheese, fresh diced veggies, and a whopping scoop of Yucatan Guacamole.
Needless to say, these were delicious, and I think they would especially make a great meal for a sporting event or tailgate party. They were incredibly easy to throw together, and oh so satisfying.
The great thing about these fries is you can completely customize your dish to suite your preference. I used 1 pound of ground beef, 1/2 c. cheese, 1 small onion, about 1 c. cherry tomatoes, and a half of a cucumber. One whole bag of fries and that pound of meat was more than enough to feed our family of four. In fact, you could easily create 8 very filling portions!
Note: I received these products free from Influenster for testing purposes. These opinions are completely my own. I am not monetarily compensated for this post. #farmtoflavor #contest
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Recovering From a Broken Family
I never considered my family to be broken. I never felt robbed of a childhood that society said I should have. We lived in a middle-upper class home with 4 bedrooms. My parents never had to miss work because their high-mileage, low quality car wouldn't crank. They never had to decide between keeping the lights on or putting food in the pantry. I never had to recover from the debilitating blows of divorced parents.
My brothers and I participated in sports. We took a vacation every summer, and despite a cluttered and chaotic house, we always had more than enough toys and electronics to keep us busy, a playhouse in the backyard, and a new (to us) car on each of our 16th birthdays.
We were truly blessed.
I met my husband in high school. We started dating my sophomore year and like many teenage romances, we fell head over heels. I was enamored by his independence, spontaneity, and self-reliance. He had freedoms and flexibility. He was kind and funny and good looking. He was edgy and mysterious, but warm and inviting.
In hindsight, those years simply flew by. More than a decade later, we've built a steadfast foundation of love and commitment. Together we've grown and experienced and discovered what it's like to become independent adults. We've been blessed with two healthy, outgoing, and mischievous kids, and thanks to them, we have an entirely different perspective on life. They have opened our eyes and have helped us to become the type of people we've always wanted to be.
Having kids also introduced us a new understanding of familial relationships.
My husband didn't have a picturesque childhood. He hates for old skeletons to be drug out of the closet and he certainly doesn't appreciate it when personal matters are shared so publicly - especially on social media - but I feel the need to establish that our family dynamics are nothing short of polar opposite.
I talk to my mother almost daily. Although we've had our fair share of strained seasons over the years, my parents have never backed down from their supportive and generous roles. Not once have I ever questioned their adoration and dedication to their children. They aren't perfect, but they've always been there for me. Always. They are active in our lives, make an effort to be present, and in turn, we do the same.
My husband, on the other hand, could write a book, or maybe even a TV series about the unbelievable, outlandish, and mind-boggling scenarios he faced growing up. From the constant roller coaster of a father with bi-polar disorder, inconsistencies of repeated moves, separation, abandonment, dishonesty, and isolation, his concept of 'family' was basically shattered.
Numerous psychology studies have shown that children from broken homes are significantly more likely to develop addictions, destroy relationships, and experience profound bouts of depression.
My husband's past was more than enough to identify exactly what type of family he desired to have in the future. It is very much the opposite of the dysfunctional unit he came from, but creating that sturdy assembly has not been easy. You see, even when your family is sloppy, disorganized, and absurd, you still cling to them with the hope that one day it might change.
His family continues to rise and fall. They come in and out of our lives like the tide. The smallest disagreement or miscommunication sets off a spark that leads to a 10-gallon drum of explosives. Hope builds on the potential for months, and then collapses with the minuscule weight of a toothpick. Unpredictable. Messy. Deceptive. Disappointing.
Don't get me wrong. There have been plenty of tolerable moments, and even some really good ones over the years, but they never seem good enough to push their relationships over that hurdle of dysfunction. The good moments are just the eye of a raging hurricane. A brief moment of peace before the fury reconvenes. The mountains of pride, skepticism, disappointments, and letdowns only grow larger. And with each forgiving reprieve, that wound, just on the verge of being fully healed, is barbarically ripped back open. The sharp knives of spite cut deeper, and the resentment is nothing more than a cup of salt to accompany the sting.
My in-laws have waltzed in and out whenever it's convenient - and that statement swings both ways - we're entirely guilty of that as well, but we're also human. And we make mistakes too. We're really good at holding grudges and keeping score. We're not perfect, and we haven't entirely figured out how to perfect relationships. I have a hard time forgiving. I have an even harder time understanding the sheer disconnect, the grudges, the contempt, the maliciousness.
But one thing we've learned is that above all else, we have to guard our hearts. They are already scarred and damaged enough from our personal imperfections. They are fragile and delicate. When the same people keep dropping your heart on the floor, at some point, you learn, maybe you shouldn't let them hold it anymore.
In fact, when those same people throw daggers from across the room - regardless if they are directed at your heart or your back - you begin to avoid them altogether.
Recovering from a broken family is a very complex and obscure balance of forgiveness and protection. It is a strenuous and often painful journey of vulnerability and rationality. It's messy. It's uncomfortable. It's turbulent. It sucks.
But in the process of that recovery, you cling most to the ones who know how to nurture, safeguard, and sustain your heart. You embrace new beginnings that give you a clean slate. A fresh start. You hold on to what satisfies your soul and you surround yourself with the things that build you up - not a past (or people) that are determined to tear you down.
Once you have a taste of what's on the other side of a stormy and unstable mountain, you have very little desire to go back. And you certainly don't want your kids to be exposed to that mess either. I'm pretty sure that navigating puberty and high school will be challenging enough. In the meantime, we no longer wish to explain to our kids why some family members are so close in proximity, but choose to be absent. We don't want to tell them anymore how both grandparents can't come to their birthday party because they're too wrapped up in selfish disagreements. We like spending Christmas morning at our house - not shuffling all over town to 4 different households. We're through forcing them to hug family members they don't recognize, but should.
My husband has been battling the raging currents of a dysfunctional family for most of his life. I dived right into those rapids when I was really young, but I was too blinded by love to see how hard he was swimming to keep his head above water. We make an incredible team. And together we've found how much easier it is to swim when you allow yourself the opportunity to float on down the stream to calmer waters. When you build a sturdy boat, you can stay afloat.
Even still, when a storm brews upstream, we always feel the consequences of high water. I know it will eventually pass. The dust will settle. The flood will subside. It always does. But it doesn't make it any easier.
Every family is a little bit broken - some more so than others - but we - our small and steadfast unit of 4 - we're choosing to be a team. And we're not excluding anyone from participating, but there are boundaries and precedents - something so valuable and necessary for protecting our unit. We will not allow anyone to come between members of our team. We will support and encourage each other, always. We will treasure and protect our relationships with all that we've got. And most importantly, we will build our family on an unwavering faith and love for God.
My brothers and I participated in sports. We took a vacation every summer, and despite a cluttered and chaotic house, we always had more than enough toys and electronics to keep us busy, a playhouse in the backyard, and a new (to us) car on each of our 16th birthdays.
We were truly blessed.
I met my husband in high school. We started dating my sophomore year and like many teenage romances, we fell head over heels. I was enamored by his independence, spontaneity, and self-reliance. He had freedoms and flexibility. He was kind and funny and good looking. He was edgy and mysterious, but warm and inviting.
In hindsight, those years simply flew by. More than a decade later, we've built a steadfast foundation of love and commitment. Together we've grown and experienced and discovered what it's like to become independent adults. We've been blessed with two healthy, outgoing, and mischievous kids, and thanks to them, we have an entirely different perspective on life. They have opened our eyes and have helped us to become the type of people we've always wanted to be.
Having kids also introduced us a new understanding of familial relationships.
My husband didn't have a picturesque childhood. He hates for old skeletons to be drug out of the closet and he certainly doesn't appreciate it when personal matters are shared so publicly - especially on social media - but I feel the need to establish that our family dynamics are nothing short of polar opposite.
I talk to my mother almost daily. Although we've had our fair share of strained seasons over the years, my parents have never backed down from their supportive and generous roles. Not once have I ever questioned their adoration and dedication to their children. They aren't perfect, but they've always been there for me. Always. They are active in our lives, make an effort to be present, and in turn, we do the same.
My husband, on the other hand, could write a book, or maybe even a TV series about the unbelievable, outlandish, and mind-boggling scenarios he faced growing up. From the constant roller coaster of a father with bi-polar disorder, inconsistencies of repeated moves, separation, abandonment, dishonesty, and isolation, his concept of 'family' was basically shattered.
Numerous psychology studies have shown that children from broken homes are significantly more likely to develop addictions, destroy relationships, and experience profound bouts of depression.
My husband's past was more than enough to identify exactly what type of family he desired to have in the future. It is very much the opposite of the dysfunctional unit he came from, but creating that sturdy assembly has not been easy. You see, even when your family is sloppy, disorganized, and absurd, you still cling to them with the hope that one day it might change.
His family continues to rise and fall. They come in and out of our lives like the tide. The smallest disagreement or miscommunication sets off a spark that leads to a 10-gallon drum of explosives. Hope builds on the potential for months, and then collapses with the minuscule weight of a toothpick. Unpredictable. Messy. Deceptive. Disappointing.
Don't get me wrong. There have been plenty of tolerable moments, and even some really good ones over the years, but they never seem good enough to push their relationships over that hurdle of dysfunction. The good moments are just the eye of a raging hurricane. A brief moment of peace before the fury reconvenes. The mountains of pride, skepticism, disappointments, and letdowns only grow larger. And with each forgiving reprieve, that wound, just on the verge of being fully healed, is barbarically ripped back open. The sharp knives of spite cut deeper, and the resentment is nothing more than a cup of salt to accompany the sting.
My in-laws have waltzed in and out whenever it's convenient - and that statement swings both ways - we're entirely guilty of that as well, but we're also human. And we make mistakes too. We're really good at holding grudges and keeping score. We're not perfect, and we haven't entirely figured out how to perfect relationships. I have a hard time forgiving. I have an even harder time understanding the sheer disconnect, the grudges, the contempt, the maliciousness.
But one thing we've learned is that above all else, we have to guard our hearts. They are already scarred and damaged enough from our personal imperfections. They are fragile and delicate. When the same people keep dropping your heart on the floor, at some point, you learn, maybe you shouldn't let them hold it anymore.
In fact, when those same people throw daggers from across the room - regardless if they are directed at your heart or your back - you begin to avoid them altogether.
Recovering from a broken family is a very complex and obscure balance of forgiveness and protection. It is a strenuous and often painful journey of vulnerability and rationality. It's messy. It's uncomfortable. It's turbulent. It sucks.
But in the process of that recovery, you cling most to the ones who know how to nurture, safeguard, and sustain your heart. You embrace new beginnings that give you a clean slate. A fresh start. You hold on to what satisfies your soul and you surround yourself with the things that build you up - not a past (or people) that are determined to tear you down.
Once you have a taste of what's on the other side of a stormy and unstable mountain, you have very little desire to go back. And you certainly don't want your kids to be exposed to that mess either. I'm pretty sure that navigating puberty and high school will be challenging enough. In the meantime, we no longer wish to explain to our kids why some family members are so close in proximity, but choose to be absent. We don't want to tell them anymore how both grandparents can't come to their birthday party because they're too wrapped up in selfish disagreements. We like spending Christmas morning at our house - not shuffling all over town to 4 different households. We're through forcing them to hug family members they don't recognize, but should.
My husband has been battling the raging currents of a dysfunctional family for most of his life. I dived right into those rapids when I was really young, but I was too blinded by love to see how hard he was swimming to keep his head above water. We make an incredible team. And together we've found how much easier it is to swim when you allow yourself the opportunity to float on down the stream to calmer waters. When you build a sturdy boat, you can stay afloat.
Even still, when a storm brews upstream, we always feel the consequences of high water. I know it will eventually pass. The dust will settle. The flood will subside. It always does. But it doesn't make it any easier.
Every family is a little bit broken - some more so than others - but we - our small and steadfast unit of 4 - we're choosing to be a team. And we're not excluding anyone from participating, but there are boundaries and precedents - something so valuable and necessary for protecting our unit. We will not allow anyone to come between members of our team. We will support and encourage each other, always. We will treasure and protect our relationships with all that we've got. And most importantly, we will build our family on an unwavering faith and love for God.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Tastykakes Review
Influenster has chosen our family once again to test a new product, and the kids couldn't be happier about this mailbox surprise! In fact, my 2 year old son, Simon, declared "It's your birthday mom!" when I opened our box.
They couldn't wait to try out the new, bite sized, mini cupcakes that come cutely wrapped in a set of three.
These fingerlings are the perfect size for a sweet fix, and regardless if you eat just one, or all three, they are delightfully satisfying.
Between my husband and my kids, I'm not so sure I'll get to enjoy a snack alone. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that most of those lovely little treats will be gone by the time I return home from work today.
We had the opportunity to sample the classic, Hershey's chocolate iced cupcakes with creme filling, but this brand also features two other delicious flavors: Reese's peanut butter kake and koffee kreme kake.
In addition to a full sized box of Tasty Kake Minis, our Influenster package also featured a koozie, party hat, and coupons to share with friends for $1 off their own box of mini cupcakes.
Although I've only had the pleasure of trying just one mini cupcake thus far, I thought they were quite moist and definitely tasty. The kids give them a thumbs up, and the husband likes them too. I especially like the design of the box and how convenient it is to store the cakes upright, without them getting smooshed in the snack drawer.
For more information about TastyKakes and their products, check out their social media pages at:
They couldn't wait to try out the new, bite sized, mini cupcakes that come cutely wrapped in a set of three.
These fingerlings are the perfect size for a sweet fix, and regardless if you eat just one, or all three, they are delightfully satisfying.
Between my husband and my kids, I'm not so sure I'll get to enjoy a snack alone. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that most of those lovely little treats will be gone by the time I return home from work today.
We had the opportunity to sample the classic, Hershey's chocolate iced cupcakes with creme filling, but this brand also features two other delicious flavors: Reese's peanut butter kake and koffee kreme kake.
In addition to a full sized box of Tasty Kake Minis, our Influenster package also featured a koozie, party hat, and coupons to share with friends for $1 off their own box of mini cupcakes.
Although I've only had the pleasure of trying just one mini cupcake thus far, I thought they were quite moist and definitely tasty. The kids give them a thumbs up, and the husband likes them too. I especially like the design of the box and how convenient it is to store the cakes upright, without them getting smooshed in the snack drawer.
For more information about TastyKakes and their products, check out their social media pages at:
I received these products complimentary from Influenster for testing purposes and all opinions expressed in this blog are my own.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Do Nothing. And Nothing Will Change.
For whatever reason, I have always carried some very harsh and abrasive stigmas concerning mental health disorders.
I'm not sure where these deep rooted, endemic ideologies manifested, but I know one thing is true, despite a plethora of published scientific discoveries, several years of experience working in both health care and research, and a very raw and emotional relationship with a sibling that eventually lost in his battle with depression, I still struggle with understanding this dark, intimidating, and very complex realm of mental health.
I'm going to take a leap of faith with this post. I'm going to expose myself in ways that I've probably never done before. I'm going to make some very difficult confessions and admissions that I'm not always proud of. But I'm also going to shine a light on a very important topic that deserves a spotlight. Be prepared, this is long and rambling, but it has helped me in more ways than one to finally put my words on a page.
I am a very computationally minded person. I like clear-cut, obvious, black and white answers, but I like them to be detailed and specific. I like tests and analyses that can blatantly and clearly spell out a problem as well as a potential solution. I want to knows the ins, the outs, the whys, and the hows. Hashtagging #breakthestigma and #breakthesilence do nothing to unpack, flesh out, and expose the underlying reasons why those stigmas and assumptions are there to begin with.
I also tend to be somewhat of a skeptic. Especially in today's selfish society, my trusting nature has been shattered by deceit, corruption, and self-absorption. I have been discouraged by the repeated laziness, apathy, and a sheer lack of work ethic that seems to be taking over a significant percentage of our generation. Unfortunately, I confess, I have judged, made assumptions, and falsely accused others because of ignorant speculations that emerge from my own brokenness.
Many symptoms of mental health dysfunction are self reported, which is the most likely source for some of my suspicions. Paired with a very ingrained belief that we're all capable of overcoming setbacks and obstacles, I can't seem to shake the question: why can't they just change the way they think? Why can't they just make a conscious choice to be different?
In my mind, I've (ignorantly) convinced myself that everyone has the sole ability to walk away from their mental health disorder and choose to think/act/behave etc. differently.
To say that the topic of mental health is gray in color is an understatement. But my black and white brain is always searching to learn more.
Science continues to show us the physiological mechanisms by which depression, anxiety, and other major mood disorders present themselves. The same can be said of a myriad of other diagnoses such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress syndrome, and postpartum depression. Most of these disorders have a biological origin, and luckily, many of these can be improved or even eliminated by pharmaceutical interventions.
Yes, behavioral interventions like therapy, meditation, and prayer can also set off a physiological cascade that may (or may not) have a profound impact on the body's natural functions, but when it comes to establishing chemical balances, these methods are not always as effective.
Even something like a moderately stressful day can set off a chain reaction inside our brains that can take several days to recover from.
I recently came across a viral blog post, A Letter To Those Affected By My Anxiety, and I was immediately inclined to write about how this brave girl's words resonated with me. For the first time, I was able to get an honest and understandable look inside what it felt like to battle this disease, but be able to do nothing about it.
One of my biggest frustrations when discussing this issue with my own brother was the fact that he could never voice or explain how it felt. He was never able to fully articulate the all-consuming burdens that rendered him completely helpless, or perhaps it was me who just couldn't understand what he was trying to say? He would freeze up, become silent, retreat into a shell of confusion, shrug his shoulders, and leave me with a frustrating and disheartening, 'I don't know.'
After years of him being unable to articulate what I wanted to hear, I found myself frequently drifting away from sympathy and settling into a state of annoyance and irritation. Not with his disease, but with him.
I would beg him, 'Are we not worth changing for? Don't you think about the consequences of your actions before or even during your thoughtless behaviors? Do you realize how your choices make US feel?'
In my selfish desire for affirmation, love, and attention from my brother, I failed to see that no, he probably could not stifle the emotional roller coaster of his severe depression and behavioral addictions, not even for the ones he loved most. The physiological imbalances and biological imperfections would entirely take over, completely hindering his ability to practice self control.
This is not to say that he deserved a free pass throughout his struggle. His actions, despite a mental illness, were very hurtful, often morally wrong, and almost always left irreparable damage.
But failing to accept that he had a physical illness, which often rendered him both physically and emotionally unable to make sound and conscious choices, did not help our relationship nor the recovery process that inevitably ensued after each gambling spree, each item stolen, each lie, and each attempt to end his life.
His mental illness was never enough to justify the pain and heartache that we experienced as a result of his choices.
I am privileged to be a research subject in a study investigating gastrointestinal responses to the food we eat. Part of this study recently included a series of electrodiagnostic tests which ultimately create a general report about your body's automatic response to mildly stressful stimuli.
As expected, both times I completed the series of breathing and physical tests, the report indicated that I likely suffer from moderate anxiety and therefore, a titre prescription was recommended to address these physical abnormalities. The completely involuntary reactions, electrical signals, heart rate, blood pressure etc. were disturbed, disrupted, and distressed beyond my own control, likely the result of a mild chemical/hormonal imbalance. My body was automatically sending me into a state of anxiety and there was nothing I could do to change it.
I was not surprised in the least to hear this information, but my shame and embarrassment were evident.
Nobody likes to admit imperfection, especially a perfectionist like myself, but the more I've thought about my experience the more I'm starting to understand that there is absolutely no shame in the body that God gave me - physical and emotional 'abnormalities' and all.
As many have already done, I could write an entire blog post about the recent, tragic events that unfolded in Virginia a few weeks ago where two innocent people were barbarically gunned down by a cruel, deranged individual. Throughout these various stories, blogs, and personal accounts, people have repeatedly exchanged the words 'criminal' and 'mentally ill.'
I cringe and my heart breaks.
Yes, this catastrophic and very graphic incident is deplorable.
But you want to know what else is disgusting and disheartening? The repeated association that folks who suffer from a mental illness are likely to commit such a heinous act - well, it makes it very difficult for our society to understand that not all mentally ill people have vicious hearts. Constantly pairing the term 'mentally unstable' with a predisposition to carrying out hate crimes is damaging. In more ways than one. Statistics don't lie, but if we're trying to break down the walls of any 'unfair stereotype,' be it race, gender, income, mental state, you name it, I think it's fair to say that we cannot always be deceived by ignorant conventions.
Yet another reason why my own personal stigmas may be so deeply ingrained and hard to overcome...
But back to the topic of mental health. This is where the issue still remains very gray.
How much of an affected person's actions and behaviors are controlled by their mental disorder? How many of their choices can they consciously make? Is there a way to quantitatively score or rate the severity of their dysfunctions so we know just how much we can realistically expect out of them?
In most cases, we'll never know.
But when it comes to other well known diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, and even cancer, although we may not always have the right answer, the best plan of action, or the most effective treatment, we can only hope and pray for the best. We can support, encourage, and become more educated about the topics we encounter, so that we can not only take better care of our own bodies, but help others to do the same.
Most importantly, we can seek treatment. Someone with diabetes will only be able to self regulate their blood sugar so much using diet and exercise without eventually needing the help of medication or additional insulin. Ample sunscreen may not prevent cancer 100%. Not a fan of doctors? That's ok. Figure out a way to talk with someone. Start a journal. Pray.
As far as the person who's never experienced mental illness firsthand, it's so easy to judge and condemn others when we think they can do better, but God calls us to love. Before all else, we should love. Accountability and hard truths will fall into place if we establish and maintain relationships on an indestructible foundation of love.
Although I can't explain why people encounter struggle, I'm beginning to see and understand that maybe God has given me a taste of hardship so that I can be more understanding and loving to others who need support. Most importantly, my struggles, although small and insignificant compared to others', remind me to rely on God, for it is He who can give me ultimate peace.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so in honor of my brother, please be kind to others. Please do not assume there is a quick fix to mental struggles. Open your minds and open your hearts. Most importantly, just love.
They wouldn't suffer like that if they just used a little self control.
If only he/she would open their eyes and realize how much their actions are hurting those around them.
Seeking attention much?
I am a very computationally minded person. I like clear-cut, obvious, black and white answers, but I like them to be detailed and specific. I like tests and analyses that can blatantly and clearly spell out a problem as well as a potential solution. I want to knows the ins, the outs, the whys, and the hows. Hashtagging #breakthestigma and #breakthesilence do nothing to unpack, flesh out, and expose the underlying reasons why those stigmas and assumptions are there to begin with.
I also tend to be somewhat of a skeptic. Especially in today's selfish society, my trusting nature has been shattered by deceit, corruption, and self-absorption. I have been discouraged by the repeated laziness, apathy, and a sheer lack of work ethic that seems to be taking over a significant percentage of our generation. Unfortunately, I confess, I have judged, made assumptions, and falsely accused others because of ignorant speculations that emerge from my own brokenness.
Many symptoms of mental health dysfunction are self reported, which is the most likely source for some of my suspicions. Paired with a very ingrained belief that we're all capable of overcoming setbacks and obstacles, I can't seem to shake the question: why can't they just change the way they think? Why can't they just make a conscious choice to be different?
In my mind, I've (ignorantly) convinced myself that everyone has the sole ability to walk away from their mental health disorder and choose to think/act/behave etc. differently.
To say that the topic of mental health is gray in color is an understatement. But my black and white brain is always searching to learn more.
Science continues to show us the physiological mechanisms by which depression, anxiety, and other major mood disorders present themselves. The same can be said of a myriad of other diagnoses such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, post traumatic stress syndrome, and postpartum depression. Most of these disorders have a biological origin, and luckily, many of these can be improved or even eliminated by pharmaceutical interventions.
Yes, behavioral interventions like therapy, meditation, and prayer can also set off a physiological cascade that may (or may not) have a profound impact on the body's natural functions, but when it comes to establishing chemical balances, these methods are not always as effective.
Even something like a moderately stressful day can set off a chain reaction inside our brains that can take several days to recover from.
I recently came across a viral blog post, A Letter To Those Affected By My Anxiety, and I was immediately inclined to write about how this brave girl's words resonated with me. For the first time, I was able to get an honest and understandable look inside what it felt like to battle this disease, but be able to do nothing about it.
One of my biggest frustrations when discussing this issue with my own brother was the fact that he could never voice or explain how it felt. He was never able to fully articulate the all-consuming burdens that rendered him completely helpless, or perhaps it was me who just couldn't understand what he was trying to say? He would freeze up, become silent, retreat into a shell of confusion, shrug his shoulders, and leave me with a frustrating and disheartening, 'I don't know.'
After years of him being unable to articulate what I wanted to hear, I found myself frequently drifting away from sympathy and settling into a state of annoyance and irritation. Not with his disease, but with him.
I would beg him, 'Are we not worth changing for? Don't you think about the consequences of your actions before or even during your thoughtless behaviors? Do you realize how your choices make US feel?'
In my selfish desire for affirmation, love, and attention from my brother, I failed to see that no, he probably could not stifle the emotional roller coaster of his severe depression and behavioral addictions, not even for the ones he loved most. The physiological imbalances and biological imperfections would entirely take over, completely hindering his ability to practice self control.
This is not to say that he deserved a free pass throughout his struggle. His actions, despite a mental illness, were very hurtful, often morally wrong, and almost always left irreparable damage.
But failing to accept that he had a physical illness, which often rendered him both physically and emotionally unable to make sound and conscious choices, did not help our relationship nor the recovery process that inevitably ensued after each gambling spree, each item stolen, each lie, and each attempt to end his life.
His mental illness was never enough to justify the pain and heartache that we experienced as a result of his choices.
I am privileged to be a research subject in a study investigating gastrointestinal responses to the food we eat. Part of this study recently included a series of electrodiagnostic tests which ultimately create a general report about your body's automatic response to mildly stressful stimuli.
As expected, both times I completed the series of breathing and physical tests, the report indicated that I likely suffer from moderate anxiety and therefore, a titre prescription was recommended to address these physical abnormalities. The completely involuntary reactions, electrical signals, heart rate, blood pressure etc. were disturbed, disrupted, and distressed beyond my own control, likely the result of a mild chemical/hormonal imbalance. My body was automatically sending me into a state of anxiety and there was nothing I could do to change it.
I was not surprised in the least to hear this information, but my shame and embarrassment were evident.
Nobody likes to admit imperfection, especially a perfectionist like myself, but the more I've thought about my experience the more I'm starting to understand that there is absolutely no shame in the body that God gave me - physical and emotional 'abnormalities' and all.
As many have already done, I could write an entire blog post about the recent, tragic events that unfolded in Virginia a few weeks ago where two innocent people were barbarically gunned down by a cruel, deranged individual. Throughout these various stories, blogs, and personal accounts, people have repeatedly exchanged the words 'criminal' and 'mentally ill.'
I cringe and my heart breaks.
Yes, this catastrophic and very graphic incident is deplorable.
But you want to know what else is disgusting and disheartening? The repeated association that folks who suffer from a mental illness are likely to commit such a heinous act - well, it makes it very difficult for our society to understand that not all mentally ill people have vicious hearts. Constantly pairing the term 'mentally unstable' with a predisposition to carrying out hate crimes is damaging. In more ways than one. Statistics don't lie, but if we're trying to break down the walls of any 'unfair stereotype,' be it race, gender, income, mental state, you name it, I think it's fair to say that we cannot always be deceived by ignorant conventions.
Yet another reason why my own personal stigmas may be so deeply ingrained and hard to overcome...
But back to the topic of mental health. This is where the issue still remains very gray.
How much of an affected person's actions and behaviors are controlled by their mental disorder? How many of their choices can they consciously make? Is there a way to quantitatively score or rate the severity of their dysfunctions so we know just how much we can realistically expect out of them?
In most cases, we'll never know.
But when it comes to other well known diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, and even cancer, although we may not always have the right answer, the best plan of action, or the most effective treatment, we can only hope and pray for the best. We can support, encourage, and become more educated about the topics we encounter, so that we can not only take better care of our own bodies, but help others to do the same.
Most importantly, we can seek treatment. Someone with diabetes will only be able to self regulate their blood sugar so much using diet and exercise without eventually needing the help of medication or additional insulin. Ample sunscreen may not prevent cancer 100%. Not a fan of doctors? That's ok. Figure out a way to talk with someone. Start a journal. Pray.
As far as the person who's never experienced mental illness firsthand, it's so easy to judge and condemn others when we think they can do better, but God calls us to love. Before all else, we should love. Accountability and hard truths will fall into place if we establish and maintain relationships on an indestructible foundation of love.
Although I can't explain why people encounter struggle, I'm beginning to see and understand that maybe God has given me a taste of hardship so that I can be more understanding and loving to others who need support. Most importantly, my struggles, although small and insignificant compared to others', remind me to rely on God, for it is He who can give me ultimate peace.
September is National Suicide Prevention Month, so in honor of my brother, please be kind to others. Please do not assume there is a quick fix to mental struggles. Open your minds and open your hearts. Most importantly, just love.
Monday, August 17, 2015
Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs Review
Influenster sent me another product to test out, so I'm writing up a brief post about my experience with Sally Hansen's Airbrush Legs makeup in the light shade.
Before trying the product, I thought this was some type of sunless tanner, but that's not exactly the purpose of this product.
Airbrush legs is a semi-temporary product that covers flaws and creates a smooth finish. It's like pantyhose in a bottle! However, if you buy a darker shade, it can certainly double as a bronzing product as well. Keep in mind, this product does wash off with soap and water.
As you can see from this particular shade on my skin tone, there wasn't a lot of additional color, but the product was sufficient at covering some flaws like dark spots, pores, and general discolorations. I would be very interested to see how much darker my skin would look if I tried the Medium tone.
Overall, I'm very satisfied with Sally Hansen's Airbrush Legs makeup. It was very easy to apply. It did not rub off on my clothing, and seemed to last for several hours. A quarter sized dollop was enough to cover one leg. If you are self conscious about varicose veins, scars, or other flaws on your legs, this is an ideal product to create a smooth finish. It's especially perfect for special occasions!
Before trying the product, I thought this was some type of sunless tanner, but that's not exactly the purpose of this product.
Airbrush legs is a semi-temporary product that covers flaws and creates a smooth finish. It's like pantyhose in a bottle! However, if you buy a darker shade, it can certainly double as a bronzing product as well. Keep in mind, this product does wash off with soap and water.
As you can see from this particular shade on my skin tone, there wasn't a lot of additional color, but the product was sufficient at covering some flaws like dark spots, pores, and general discolorations. I would be very interested to see how much darker my skin would look if I tried the Medium tone.
(with) (without)
Overall, I'm very satisfied with Sally Hansen's Airbrush Legs makeup. It was very easy to apply. It did not rub off on my clothing, and seemed to last for several hours. A quarter sized dollop was enough to cover one leg. If you are self conscious about varicose veins, scars, or other flaws on your legs, this is an ideal product to create a smooth finish. It's especially perfect for special occasions!
I received this test size bottle complementary from Influenster for testing purposes.
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